Correzione biografia di Cleopatra in inglese..? Help!?
Ciao a tutti!
Avrei bisogno che qualcuno mi correggesse questa biografia senza cambiare troppo le frasi (devono essere frasi semplici da ricordare)..
Grazie a tutti..
Ecco la biografia:
• Cleopatra VII Tea Filopatore was the last Egyptian queen of the Ptolemaic period. The word “Cleopatra” in greek mean “glory of the father”. She wasn’t beautiful as people said, but she was intelligent and cultured.
• She was born in Alessandria in 69 B.C., her father was a pharaoh and her mother was a concubine, she died one year after Cleopatra’s birth.
• In the spring of 51 B.C. Cleopatra’s father died, and so Cleopatra married her brother Tolomeo XIII and she succeeded to the throne with the brother.
• In the third year of his reign, Tolomeo XIII, encouraged by his advisers, assumed alone government, and drove Cleopatra into exile. Cleopatra went to Syria and claim her rights until the coming of Giulio Cesare.
• Cesare, with the Alexandrian war, defeated the Egyptians and ordered the killing of Cleopatra’s brother, and so she became queen of Egypt. Cleopatra went to Roma, where she lived as Caesare's lover. They had a son, his name was Cesarione.
• After the assassination of Giulio Cesare in 44 B.C., she returned to Egypt where names Cesarione her co-regent.
• The Battle of Filippi ended the civil war between Egypt and Rome. Cleopatra became Marco Antonio’s mistress and had a profound influence on him.
• In 40 BC Antonio and Cleopatra had twins and four years later they were married and had a third child. In 34 BC Antonio celebrated his triumph at Alexandria and publicly announced the division of the empire between Cleopatra and her children.
• Cesare Augusto Ottaviano declared war on Marco Antonio with the naval battle of Azio in which the Romans destroyed the fleet of Cleopatra
• In August 30 BC, Antony and Cleopatra committed suicide (according to the legend, the queen became bitten by a snake). Cesarione was executed by Octavian, and Egypt passed into the hands of Rome as the emperor's personal property.
- ValmontLv 51 decennio faRisposta preferita
Ecco i cambiamenti che ritengo adatti:
"Cleopatra VII Tea Philopator"-> se è una traduzione in inglese, è opportuno scrivere i nomi in inglese, e non in italiano...apporterò correzioni simili anche in seguito.
"She was born in Alexandria in 69 B.C., her father was a pharaoh and her mother was a concubine, who died one year after Cleopatra’s birth". -> "who" è meglio di "she" perchè il pronome personale rende il periodo poco fluido.
"In the spring of 51 B.C. Cleopatra’s father died, and so Cleopatra married her brother Ptolemy XIII and succeeded to the throne with the brother." -> non c'è bisogno di mettere "she" prima del verbo "succeeded", è ripetitivo.
"In the third year of his reign, Ptolemy XIII, encouraged by his counselors, assumed government on his own, and drove Cleopatra into exile. Cleopatra went to Syria and claim her rights until the coming of Julius Caesar" -> l'uso di "alone" è improprio, e in questo caso "counselor" è molto più appropriato di "adviser".
"Cesarione" -> Caesarion;
"she returned to Egypt where names Cesarione her co-regent." -> she returnet to Egypt where she named Caesarion her co-regent.
"The Battle of Philippi ended the civil war between Egypt and Rome. Cleopatra became Mark Antony’s mistress and had a deep influence on him" -> "profound" lo usavano al massimo fino agli anni '50; "deep" è molto più consueto.
"In 40 BC Antony and Cleopatra had a couple of twins" -> "couple of twins" è più corretto di "twins" e basta;
"In 34 BC Antony celebrated his triumph at Alexandria and announced publicly" -> quando nella frase è presente un avverbio di modo, deve andare sempre dopo il verbo.
" Caesar Octavianus...battle of Actium"-> hai fatto un piccolo errore storico: Ottaviano venne nominato "Augusto" soltanto quando divenne formalmente imperatore.
"the queen was bitten by a snake" -> perchè il verbo "become"? E' scorretto, "was" invece andava più che bene.
"the emperor's personal property" -> questo concetto non mi piace molto: una provincia non era mica una proprietà privata dell'imperatore, ma serviva al benessere comune di tutta Roma. Faresti meglio a concludere semplicemente con "and Egypt passed into the hands of Rome".
Alla fine non hai fatto nessun errore grave...mi raccomando però, la prossima volta sta più attenta! Ciao!!!!